Hormones
by Queen of Nargles
Summary: When reading about Hogwarts's witches and wizards, you can't help but wonder what goes through their hormonal teenage minds. A series of one-shots revolving around the hormonal teenage thoughts of Hogwarts students.


_A/N: Hello lovelies! This idea had been roaming for ages and I finally decided to write it. I've always wondered about the hormones of Hogwarts students and I couldn't help myself. I'm pretty sure Jo Rowling thought about it like the rest of us but since it is a children's book she couldn't write about the characters cravings. This will feature one-shots from various students in Hogwarts and their hormonal teenage minds. This particular one-shot takes place somewhere in Harry's fifth year. Enjoy!_

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**Hormones**

Harry tickled his nose with the tip of his quill. The parchment was filled with ugly blotches and his messy scrawl was occasionally crossed out with a simple line. He let out a frustrated sigh.

"You do realize McGonagall will give you a Troll if you give her that entry?"

Harry glared at his best mate. He was absolutely aware of how his score would turn out, and he was in no mood to revise it. He took off his glasses and rubbed a hand over his face.

"Blast it. I refuse to rewrite it. I rather get a Troll."

"You don't mean that, Harry," said Ron.

"I don't." He crumpled his failure and pulled out another piece of parchment. "Do you reckon McGonagall will notice if I plagiarize Hermione's essay?" he asked casually.

Ron smirked. "Please, Harry. We've been copying Hermione for years. I highly doubt she will notice."

"Have you met McGonagall?"

They both chuckled at the comment.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm starving," said Ron, patting his belly. Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Ron, you're always hungry," mumbled Harry.

"No, I'm not." Ron crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

Harry laughed loudly. "You're joking right? That stomach of yours is a bottomless pit. I wouldn't be surprised if I found a boat in there."

"Easy for you to say," Ron snorted. "You're not a lanky, living beanpole."

"I think I rather be my height than a living beanpole like yourself," said Harry.

"At least my eyesight isn't horrid," said Ron. "Hey, how many fingers am I holding up?" He swayed three fingers in Harry's face.

Harry placed his glasses on his nose again. "Wanker. I'll have you know, the ladies love my four eyes."

"Oh, come off it, Harry! The ladies love my red hair and freckles. I think they would find it more attractive than your four eyes!"

Harry scrunched his nose. He couldn't think of Ron as attractive and he hoped to Merlin that he felt the same way he did about him. Blokes weren't on Harry's radar.

"I wonder what girls think about us," said Ron staring up the ceiling.

"Probably think we have flat bums and laugh at our skinny legs and arms," said Harry with a smirk. "We are not exactly what Lavender or Parvati call attractive. All they ever do is gossip about how Michael and McLaggen have toned biceps. Let's face it, mate. You inherited your Dad's skinny arse and from what Sirius told me, I inherited my Dad's scrawny build."

"Do you reckon Hermione finds all those qualities attractive?" Ron asked rather quickly.

"Well, it depends what qualities you are asking for," said Harry. The corner of his mouth quirked up when he saw Ron's ears and neck turn red. Ron was so thick sometimes.

"I dunno. I mean Hermione is a girl. I'm just curious," said Ron.

Harry chuckled. "I'm guessing Hermione goes for the big, muscular blokes. She did go to the ball with Krum, and if you didn't notice, he isn't what you would call scrawny material."

"You're talking rubbish. I'm pretty sure Neville has more appeal than Krum." Ron averted his gaze to his toes.

Harry looked at Ron. The question was lying on the tip of his tongue. He rarely had these chats with Ron. There was always a wave of awkwardness whenever either of them brought up the subject of physical attraction.

"Girls have features they find attractive. We do too. Is there, er, like something we _have _to look at? I mean I've never been good with girls." Harry paused a little when he saw Ron's confused face. "What I'm trying to say is... Ah, this isn't coming out right. Are we supposed to look at stuff that alters our hormones?"

Ron raised his eyebrows. He gave Harry a look of bewilderment. "Like sexual attraction?" asked Ron.

Harry's face turned a dark shade of red. He ran a shaky hand through his messy hair. "Er, yeah. Sexual attraction."

"I guess we're supposed to look at the size of their chests. That's what George told me anyways," said Ron.

"The size of their chests?" Harry smirked.

"Please, Harry. You can't tell me that thought hasn't crossed your mind once or twice. I would be worried if it didn't as a matter of fact."

"Of course I've thought of it! I am a bloke. I just wasn't comfortable of sharing about my bouncing hormones," said Harry.

"Bouncing hormones? Really, mate," said Ron. "You really surprise me sometimes, Harry."

"Well, I can't exactly to Hermione about this. She'd probably believe I was mental."

"Or she'd change the subject."

"Most possibly."

Hermione wasn't exactly open for her attraction to boys. She would often turn beet red or stick her nose further in her book to avoid the subject. Harry often felt sympathy for her. Hermione didn't have any close friends who weren't males other than Ginny, and he was pretty sure she didn't discuss that with even Ginny.

"Harry?" Harry nodded for Ron to continue. "Do you ever think about what happens after snogging? You know… Like going beyond the face sucking."

"Like shagging?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Sirius mentioned it once or twice. He said something about my mum and dad never getting enough of it which I find repulsive," said Harry with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Ron made a gagging noise. "Actually, that is repulsive. I don't think anyone wants to picture their parents or worse, find their parents shagging."

"Well, I know I will never find my parents doing those activities."

Ron laughed. "How do you know if you walked in on them as a toddler?"

"Ugh, Ron! I really don't want to picture my parents doing it," said Harry, glaring at Ron. "Besides, I wouldn't doubt it if you had walked in on _your _parents. You have a better chance of walking in on them."

"Ok, ok. I get it."

"And anyways, I've never really considered having sex with anyone. Sure, I've thought of it, but I have never really pictured myself doing it with anyone. Have you?" said Harry.

"Have I what?"

"Fantasized."

"About getting in someone's knickers?" Ron asked blindly.

"Yes, Ron. Have you ever fantasized getting in someone's knickers?"

"Er, I guess. Maybe a couple of times," said Ron. His ears were completely red.

"Hmm." Harry glanced at his blank piece of parchment. "Well, I hope I don't die without shagging someone."

Ron gave him a shocked expression. "Harry, are you feeling alright? I've never heard you speak like this."

"Speak like what? A teenage boy?" Harry said with a chuckle. "I have hormones, too, you know."

"I know. It's just odd. Shouldn't you be talking to Sirius about this? I bet he has loads of experience."

As a matter of fact, Harry had no idea what Sirius thought about sex. He had only mentioned it when joked about James and Lily doing it on his couch, but other than that, the subject remained oblivious.

"I honestly have no idea how much experience he has. Girls used to swoon over him so I'm pretty sure he did it, but it doesn't necessarily mean he is experienced," said Harry. "He was in Azkaban for twelve years."

"Do you think he would give me a few tips on women if I asked?"

"Er, I dunno. I have never asked him myself. I think we should mention it to him next time we see him," said Harry. "Maybe, he'll, you know, give us the talk."

"Yeah. Fred and George took care of that. They scared the mickey out of me," said Ron. "Fred said something sweating. I dunno what's so fun about sweating."

"I guess you would have to be in the moment," said Harry. "But what do we know. We've never done it."

"I'm pretty sure neither of the twins have done it either! They're probably messing with my head," said Ron.

"I wouldn't doubt it." Harry smiled slightly.

At that moment, Hermione descended from the girl's dormitory. She was frowning and had one of her death stares on. "What are you two doing? Don't you have an essay due tomorrow, Harry? The parchment is still empty! Honestly, Harry. You should know better than talk to Ron when you're trying to concentrate," she said.

"Relax, Hermione. I have all night to do it," said Harry.

"Yeah, Hermione. Harry and I were having some man talk until you came barging in," said Ron.

"Man talk? You two must be joking!" she said with a laugh. "What could you possibly be talking about?"

"Sex, Hermione. We were talking about sex," said Harry with an annoyed look.

Hermione turned red and looked back and forth between them. "Sex? Why would that thought even cross your minds? You two are still in school."

"It doesn't mean we don't think about it, Hermione," said Ron. "You can't tell me you haven't thought about it."

Hermione started stuttering. "I-It's not you're c-concern what I think about, Ron."

"You asked. Harry and I were having a delightful conversation about knickers," he said looking at Harry. They both laughed.

This was definitely how Harry had pictured Hermione to react, all red faced. Ron was having too much fun staring at Hermione's expression.

"Well, if you must know, girls like me don't find it amusing for boys to be thinking about their knickers," said Hermione.

"Who said we were going for girls like you?" Ron said sharply.

"Well, I'm sorry I don't fit into the expectations of Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley," said Hermione. With that, she stomped her foot, held her head high and marched up the stairs once more.

"She's bloody mental, that one!" said Ron.

"Don't need to say that again," said Harry. He sighed. He still had to write a fifteen inch essay. Maybe Ron was a distraction. He started scribbling once more before Ron broke his concentration.

"Harry?"

_"What?"_

"Do you think Snape will die a virgin?"

Harry burst out laughing.

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_A/N: I'm positive Harry and Ron had a conversation like this at some point. Thanks for reading! I would be happy to find feedback in my inbox so please leave a review if you please. I'll most possibly update the next story in 1-3 days. Thanks again!_

_*Queen of Nargles _


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